Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
