Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
