the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
