True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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