my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
