please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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