I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
