Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
