I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
