Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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