Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
