I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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