Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
