I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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