Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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