I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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