Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
