You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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