why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
