Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
birth control should be required to get into college
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
