You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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