Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize