Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
