I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
