Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
