Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
