I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
