Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
