We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
