Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize