i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
