I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
