You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
