There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
