so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
