I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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