We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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