apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
