After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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