Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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