oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
