Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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