No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
tell me about the eggs
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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