those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
