its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
