tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
