i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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