4 words: hood of his car
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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