I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
