jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
