I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
