Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
