My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
