Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
