Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
