Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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