I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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