There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
