I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
