um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
