I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
