I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
