hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
