Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
