Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
