It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize