There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
