How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
