just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
