ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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