This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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