I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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