I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
